


From One Moment to the Next

by SilverSlashes



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Roleplay, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 16:00:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1393732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSlashes/pseuds/SilverSlashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is torn between trying to maintain a working friendship with Jensen and trying really hard to sweep his feelings for his co-star under the rug. But, maybe Jensen is too perceptive for his own good… and maybe Jared is a little too oblivious for his. </p>
            </blockquote>





	From One Moment to the Next

**Author's Note:**

> This is written not as a really cohesive story, but as a series of moments that take place over about a year. It is dedicated to my friend Amanda who is feeling under the weather (I hope this makes you feel better!) and my friend Cari, who makes an appearance... though not as herself.

“Cut!”

 

Jared bounded up from the motel bed he was sitting on. This particular set was lumber jack themed since they were supposed to be in Michigan. The flannel bed spread was making Jared’s eyes hurt with all the red. He shook himself, as if riding his ears of water, letting all of Sam’s thoughts and emotions slip away like water receding from the shoreline.

 

“Hey,” he turned to face Jensen, “let’s go get some food, I’m starving.”

 

Jensen didn’t answer him immediately, still staring at the fake wood-paneled wall across the motel room set. Jared sighed; sometimes he forgot that Jensen was different than Jared when it came to acting methods. 

 

Jared just dropped in and out of Sam, like a switch he could turn on and off, it was easy with a character he was so familiar with, either he was Jared or he was Sam. Sometimes Jensen could just switch like that too, effortless with Dean’s sarcasm and jokes. But, with particularly difficult scenes, like the one they had been doing, Jensen had to submerge himself more. He had to dig deeper for the anger, the insecurity, the fear that wasn’t second nature to someone as easy going as Jensen was.

 

Sometimes, like now, it took him a few minutes to get his center back. Jared waited patiently thinking it was a bit like taking clothes on and off. Piece by piece, he watched as Jensen stripped off Dean, breathing deep and letting it drop away like discarded laundry.

 

Jared smiled as Jensen stood up finally stretching, “yeah, I’m about to die of hunger.”

 

Jared rolled his eyes; he should have known Jensen was listening. He was always listening, even when it didn’t seem like it. 

 

After their way too short break Jared made his way back to the set. They had to get one more take of them yelling at each other. Dean and Sam weren’t getting along these days. It seemed to Jared that with each new script Sam said goodbye to a little bit more of his humanity and Dean said goodbye to a little bit more of his sanity. 

 

Jared flopped down in the desk chair in front of Sam’s laptop where he started the scene. He watched Jensen make his way across the set, coming from his trailer. With every step he took Jensen clothed himself in Dean: first the walk, then the smirk, the cocky tilt of the head, and lastly the emotion, the fear. The fear that hadn’t left Dean’s eyes this season. Jared watched as Jensen wrapped it around himself as he sat down on the flannel bed spread. 

 

It still amazed him after four years, watching Jensen’s method. Hell, as an actor, Jared loved watching any other actors’ methods because it always gave him reflection, the opportunity to tweak his own.

 

Jared thought about how exciting it was that Sam was going all dark side, finally taking a stand… albeit the wrong one. But he got an E for effort. Things were getting more intense and while it was exciting, it was also draining. He turned back towards the laptop and heard Jensen sigh and shift behind him. Yeah, tonight was going to be a beer and channel surfing night. They were both exhausted. 

 

Jared took a deep breath and plunged into Sam’s thoughts, like plunging into an icy river. Sam was afraid, afraid that Dean would be taken away from him, that the angels would kill him. That he wouldn’t be strong enough to kill Lilith in the end. That what he was doing was the wrong thing for the right reasons… all swirling, disturbing thoughts that he couldn’t or wouldn’t tell Dean. 

 

“Action!”

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Jared was barely coherent on the drive home and he and Jensen both stumbled into the living room as Cliff honked from the driveway and drove away. It was Friday, Jared thought as he fell onto the couch. Cliff was going home and Jared could sleep in tomorrow.

 

He heard Jensen collapse into the recliner and silence enveloped the room, both of them too tired to speak. Jared thought he may just fall asleep on the couch with his clothes on and wake-up tomorrow morning. Then his stomach growled.

 

Jensen lifted his head from the chair, “dude, I heard that over here!”

 

Jared hauled himself up, “m’hungry.”

 

Jensen laughed as he got up to follow Jared into the kitchen, “you’re always hungry.”

 

Jared really didn’t feel like cooking anything, so he and Jensen just grabbed all the sandwich fixings from the fridge and started piling them on some bread. After topping his plate off with a mountain of potato chips and, grabbing a beer, plopped down on the sofa in front of the TV, leaving room for Jensen this time.

 

With both of them munching away at loaded up turkey sandwiches and a hockey game on, Jared felt the stress of the day fade away. He’s still tired as fuck, but he isn’t as catatonic feeling as he was a few minutes ago. 

 

Jared turned his head away from the TV to watch Jensen. He looked tired but relaxed, the stress of Dean Winchester gone for the weekend. He stuffs the remains of the sandwich in his mouth and rolls his eyes as one of the defenders checks some dude on the other team who didn’t even have the puck. 

 

Jensen takes a sip of beer and turns his head away from the TV to say something to Jared. He stops, bottle halfway to his lips for the second gulp when he notices Jared looking at him.

 

“Dude, what?”

 

Jared shakes himself, “nothing, man.”

 

Jensen looks at him funny but then just downs his beer and grins, “ok, just don’t stare too long… my awesome might damage your eyeballs.”

 

With that he takes a whole handful of chips and shoves them into this mouth, crumbs flying everywhere. Jared just scoffed and rolls his eyes. Of course, there were times like now when he thought maybe he brought Dean Winchester home some nights.

 

As the game wound down, they dumped their empty plates in the kitchen. Jensen sat on the counter while Jared washed the dishes.

 

“Dude, it’s like midnight?! You could do them tomorrow.”

 

Jared shrugged, “I hate waking up…”

 

Jensen joined in, “… to a dirty kitchen. Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

 

“Well, I do, and it won’t take long, you can go on up to bed if you want.”

 

Jensen stayed put on the counter top, “I’ll just sit here and stare at you in recompense for all the staring you’ve been doing in my direction lately.”

 

Jared drops the plate he was holding and it clatters loudly back down into the sink, “What?”

 

He felt his cheeks heat up and he raced to defend himself, though he wasn’t sure why he felt like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, “I’ve been worried about you lately, I haven’t been… I mean, the writers aren’t cutting us any slack this season, you know?”

 

Jensen quirks an eyebrow and Jared took a deep breath before trying again, “We’ve been at this for four years now and the show just keeps getting better. I know we can handle whatever they throw our way, but, you know me, I look out for my friends.”

 

Jensen laughs, “you’re a mother hen is what you are, fussing over everyone. It’s pretty adorable.”

 

Jared scowls as Jensen hops off the counter, grabs a dish towel, and starts drying the dishes that Jared was washing, “I am _not_ adorable.”

 

There was silence for a few minutes, each of them content in the stillness between them.

 

“Wincest,” Jared dropped another plate as the word just rolls out of Jensen’s mouth.

 

“What?!” Jared is sure he heard wrong.

 

Jensen grins, “Your whole ‘we can handle whatever the writers throw at us’ thing. You better be careful what you boast about.”

 

Jared huffs, “I meant like things that were remotely possible.”

 

Jensen just shrugged and grinned so Jared punched him in the arm, “you’re ridiculous.”

 

Jensen stepped away from him, ringing the towel up and letting it fly.  It connected with a stinging snap on Jared’s ass cheek.

 

He yelled and rubbed the mark he knew was forming under his jeans and growls, “Jerk.”

 

Jensen smiles, “Bitch.”

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Jared relaxed into the chair as the new girl in hair and make-up ran her fingers though his hair trying to tame it. His mind drifted to last night and Jensen’s observation skills. Jared had been watching Jensen a lot lately; he just hadn’t counted on Jensen noticing. He could only pretend to be the concerned best buddy for so long. I mean, they had always had each other’s backs from day one, but their closeness had never caused Jared the awkward feelings it was causing him now. 

 

But, Jared mused, they had always been hyper aware of one another. As if on cue Jensen busted into the trailer carrying a bottle of water in one hand and tossing a second bottle to Jared with the other. Like it was second nature for them to provide and care for the other.

 

Like a couple, Jared thought and then hated himself.

 

Jared caught the bottle midair and threw the pack of twizzlers on his lap over to Jensen’s chair, “Thanks for the water.”

 

Jensen picked up the package with a smile, “No, thank _you_.”

 

Jared laughed as Jensen bit into a liquorish straw, “so, another day of crying and screaming it looks like. And Sera wrote this episode, so I’m shirtless once again.”

 

Jensen tore into a twizzler stick and sighed, “at least it’s you and not me.”

 

“Thanks dude,” Jared rubbed his eyes so he would stop staring at Jensen’s mega watt smile. 

 

The middle of the fourth season, and after deciding on domestic co-habitation, was not a good time to discover you liked your co-star. Of course, half-way through high school, determined to become a big Hollywood actor, was not a good time to discover you were bisexual. Jared’s used to life revelations at the worst of times.  

 

And the cracks were starting to show, Jared had been naïve to believe he could keep something like this from his best friend, who could read him like a book. What if Jensen didn’t feel the same way? No, Jared knew he didn’t feel the same way.

 

Jared could see the headlines now…

 

Supernatural Cancelled before finale season due to irreconcilable rift between co-stars…

 

Supernatural’s Jared Padalecki on un-requited love and life after Jensen Ackles…

 

The fans would be torn between anger and vindication.

 

“Those worry lines are going to set if you give it long enough.”

 

Jared glanced over to see Jensen smiling at him. He attempts to stuff down all that he’s been thinking.

 

He smiles back, “just thinking about what I’m going to have for lunch, you know? Serious stuff.”

 

Jared has a horrifying feeling that Jensen did know, knew everything, as he continued to stare at Jared.

 

Jared forces himself to breathe as Jensen finally laughs, “yeah, sure, serious stuff.”

 

Jared turned his head to look straight into the mirror listening to the hairdresser mumble about his hair being too long to tame and fly-aways. But, he felt Jensen’s eyes on him still. Could see, even though he wasn’t looking that direction, the crease in his brow as he studied Jared, who couldn’t quite make his shoulders relax. 

Maybe he should go to LA this weekend? If he could just get away from Jensen for a few days, then maybe the staring and the tight feeling in his chest will go away. 

 

It had to work, because Jared wouldn’t be able to hide behind their bromance pretenses much longer. There was a difference in sending worried glances at your costar after a particularly tough scene and eye-fucking him when you thought he wasn’t looking. There was a difference in watching your best friend drink water and wishing you were the bottle against his lips. 

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

LA didn’t help.

 

Jared just realized that he missed Jensen when they were apart. Not helpful.

 

So, this led to a few near panic attacks on the plane back to Vancouver. 

 

Sandy was the only person Jared had ever told that he was bisexual. He knew she wouldn’t care, would understand, and he had believed at the time that it didn’t matter if he liked boys and girls because he _loved_ her and they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

 

But he and Sandy were over for good. Jensen had helped him through that horrible time in his life and he could accept now that Sandy wasn’t his soul mate like he had thought. Now, he had a crush on his male co-star. 

 

On his male best friend. 

 

On his male, best friend, co-star, who wasn’t gay. 

 

Jared was going to blame the fans. It was their entire fault, them and their evil, suggestive, hot fanfiction. 

 

He stood and stared at the door, his keys in hand. He could hear the TV going; Jensen must still be up waiting for him to get home. He took a deep breath, unlocking the door, walking in and throwing his bag down at the stairs. He made his way to the living room.

 

Jensen smiled sleepily from the recliner, “how was LA?”

 

Jared shrugged, “I always go thinking I’m going to relax and ‘get away from it all’,” he made quotation marks with his hands, “do you know, I think LA is the most un-relaxing city ever.”

 

Jensen grimaced, “sorry man, I’m not crazy about LA either… all those paparazzi bastards.”

 

Jared laughed and silence filled the room.

 

“So, are we going to talk about why you went in the first place?”

 

Jared whipped his head around to look at Jensen’s serious expression. He had been half heartedly watching the TV but now alarm bells were going off in his head. 

 

Jared stood up and made for the kitchen as he spoke, “I don’t know man, just a short change of scenery? I met with my agent.”

 

He prayed that Jensen just left it, but he could hear him padding behind him, following Jared to the kitchen. Jared hid in the fridge… that is to say he started rummaging around in the fridge.

 

He heard Jensen sigh, “yeah, but you could’ve talked to your agent over the phone. You just said you hated LA. Why would you just up and go for a few days?”

 

Jared grabbed a beer and shut the door; Jensen was standing a few feet away with his glasses on, arms crossed, wearing boxers and a ratty t-shirt. God, he was gorgeous. Jared wanted to die. 

 

He tried to put a confused expression on his face, “since when do you go getting all confrontational? I felt like going, I went.”

 

Jensen shook his head, “no man, not it.”

 

Jared was getting a little angry at Jensen for pushing so hard when Jared knew he wasn’t going to like what came out.

 

His voice had a bitter bite to it, “oh, aren’t you perceptive.”

 

Jensen didn’t even blink, “yeah, more than you give me credit for.”

 

Jared just stared at Jensen. Really, what could he say to that? Maybe Jared had just assumed Jensen was like most other guys, completely oblivious, and because of that he hadn’t been as careful or as guarded as he should have been.

 

Jensen tries again when Jared doesn’t say anything, “You’re avoiding me as much as possible considering we live and work together.”

 

Jared looks down at the beer in his hand that he doesn’t really want anymore, “dude, that is vain… to think that I would fly all the way to LA to avoid you.”

 

Jensen doesn’t take the bait, “I just want to know why. Did I piss you off? Are you getting tired of living…”

 

Jared cuts him off, “No!”

 

Jared turns to put the beer back in the fridge, running his hands through his hair.

 

He turns to face Jensen, “no, I like living with you and I’m not angry at you.”

 

Jensen drops his hands to his side and then brings one up to rub the bridge of his nose under his glasses, “but you’ve been acting so weird lately.”

 

Jared opens his mouth but Jensen interrupts, “and _don’t_ give me that _bullshit_ about the stress of the show because we both know that you are fucking excited about Sam being all edgy and evil… no matter how much stress it puts on you as an actor.”

 

Jared is defeated, he looks at the floor, “it isn’t as simple as ‘why’ Jensen.”

 

“Jared, dude, if there’s something wrong, I want to know about it. I want to help fix it. I mean, I’m not Mr. Sharing and Caring with all my friends like you are, but I look out for my own.”

 

“I know,” Jared tries to hedge around Jensen to the stairs, if he can just get in his room…

 

Jensen lets him walk past but follows him all the way up the stairs and just stands in the doorway as Jared begins to unpack his bag.

 

Finally Jensen sighs, “Fine man, you don’t want to talk, we won’t talk. But this isn’t over.”

 

They both go to bed irritated at each other. 

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Jared loves running in the mornings. Sometimes he takes the dogs and sometimes he doesn’t. But there’s something soothing about his feet hitting the pavement, the wind in his hair, his breath coming harsh and fast in and out of his lungs. It is this alone time, his meditation time, his moment of stillness while in motion, that keeps him grounded. 

 

He can just run and run and run… but he can’t run away.

 

When Jensen said that it wasn’t over, he hadn’t been kidding. He had made it abundantly clear to Jared in the last few days by being a solid, silent presence by his side. When they weren’t working Jensen wasn’t speaking to Jared very much. But he was looking, studying, and Jared could feel the burn of eyes on his skin on set and at home. He could almost see the wheels turning in Jensen’s head.

 

But leave it to the new girl in hair and make-up to fuck it up big time for Jared. She had been cutting Jensen’s hair, but was talking to both of them, yammering away about nothing in particular. 

 

 

“You’ve been extra quiet lately boys. Like someone pressed the mute button,” she smiled.

 

Pointing a comb at Jared and looking at him through the mirror, she continued, “I know what your problem is but,” she poked Jensen in the shoulder, “I haven’t figured out yours yet.”

 

Jensen straightened up, “and just what is Jared’s problem?”

 

Jared looked at the girl, Cari, he though her name was, and held his breath as she stuck her hands on her hips, “well, duh, it’s been obvious for a while now. Jared here has a crush. Maybe a little unrequited love?”

 

She winked at Jared, “I just haven’t figured out who the lucky lady is yet.”

 

Jared tried to breathe and laugh, nonchalantly as he rubbed the back of his neck, “uh, yeah, right, you caught me… I’ve got a big’ol crush on Misha.”

 

Cari laughed and smacked him with the comb again, but Jared noticed how still Jensen had gone. He can’t bring himself to look Jensen in the eye and he really, really wants to kill Cari.

 

As soon as he can he excuses himself from the trailer and makes his way onto set. 

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Of course Jared couldn’t hope to forget about this morning’s incident, or hope that Jensen had forgotten either. He managed to make it through the entire day of shooting, and even the car ride home, with blessed silence.

 

He should have known Jensen would try and wait till they were definitely alone at home to attack him. He went straight up to his room, practically running, and shut the door. Jared cursed as he lay out on his bed. He was hiding in his room like an eight year old. This was pathetic. But, what else was he supposed to do?

 

Now that Jensen had been tuned into what was going on, he would demand to know who Jared had a crush on. Jared didn’t have the energy to even fain an interest in another person. Plus, who the hell would he pretend to crush on? Genevieve? She didn’t deserve to be dragged into this. 

 

He could tell Jensen the truth? Ha. Yeah. That was a great idea. Jared dragged himself out of bed and went to take a shower. He needed some more time to think and when he couldn’t run his thoughts out, a hot shower was the next best thing.

 

By the time he was done, the mirror was beyond fogged and the bathroom was a sauna. He was no closer to deciding how to lie to Jensen and he was just considering staying locked in his room the rest of the night when his stomach growled. Damn it!

 

After throwing on some gym shorts and a t-shirt he squared his shoulders and made his way downstairs to the kitchen. Jensen was leaning against the refrigerator like he was guarding it. He also looked freshly showered in his standby boxers and t-shirt attire. What was he doing, stalking out the one place he knew Jared was sure to go eventually? Then Jared thought about how easily Jensen had let him escape up the stairs and he thought that this had been the plan all along, loll him into a false sense of security.

 

Jensen smirked as Jared came to a halt in the doorway, “knew you’d have to come down for food at some point.”

 

Jared didn’t trust himself to talk so he just bypassed Jensen at the fridge and started looking for cereal in the cabinets.

 

Jensen turned to face him, “ _ok_ , I’ll talk… look man, I’m glad to see that you’re finally moving past Sandy. I mean, you don’t have any reason to be ashamed of finding interest in someone after this long. I just feel like I’m missing something.”

 

Jensen flung his arms out as Jared just starred at the box of frootloops he had set out on the counter, “I mean, why didn’t you just _tell_ me? We share everything. Hell! We over-share. What makes this girl different?”

 

Jared thought up a million lies and then discarded them. He thought about just brushing off what Cari had said, but Jensen would know that was a lie just from the guilty act Jared was pulling. And Jensen looked genuinely hurt. And didn’t that just fuck with Jared’s heartstrings.

 

Fuck! This was going to screw everything up! He was going to lose his best friend just as sure as Texas was hot as hell in July.

 

He took a deep breath, “It’s not a girl.”

 

Jared heard Jensen huff out an irritated breath, “don’t lie to me Jared. Cari was right; you’ve been distracted lately and…”

 

Jared looked at the ceiling, he wanted to look anywhere but at Jensen when he interrupted him, “no, no dude, I mean, the person I’m starting to… well, the person I like. It isn’t a girl.”

 

Silence. 

 

Painful, awful, awkward silence.

 

Finally Jensen cleared his throat, “Is that why you’ve been acting so weird lately? Because you were afraid to come out to me?”

 

Jensen took a few steps forward towards Jared, “Dude, I don’t care if you’re gay or bi or straight or whatever. I’m not some raging homophobe.”

 

Jared shook his head, his entire body tight, “no, but you are straight.”

 

Jensen’s eyes clouded for a minute, and then he shrugged, “I was when I was dating Danni. But, I went through this phase a few years ago… I mean, dude, anyone who says they’re like a complete one or a ten on the Kinsey Scale is lying. We’ve all thought about it. Most of us have tried it too.”

 

Jared flinched as Jensen’s hand came down to rest on his shoulder. He was torn between hope that Jensen could ever feel the same way about him and scared that, sexuality aside, Jensen would never feel anything but friendship towards Jared.

 

Jensen seems to notice that the tension in Jared’s body hadn’t drained with relief yet, “Jared, God, what is _wrong_?”

 

Jared pushed off the counter and finally turned to face Jensen and, whoa they were close. He tried to remember to breathe and _not to_ run back upstairs and lock himself in his room.

 

Jared tried to smile past the nausea, “You. It’s um, you.”

 

Jensen crossed his arms, and that crease appeared between his eyes, “I’m what’s wrong?”

 

Jared put his hand over his eyes and ran it up through his hair, “What? No! I mean, you, I, uh… I want you.”

 

Jensen’s mouth fell open. 

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Jared thinks that when you tell someone you like them, lay your heart on the line like that, it should be just like the movies every time. Maybe a little ‘oh I had no idea you felt the same way’, a little gratuitous kissing, soft lighting, or maybe someone should hold a boom box over their head. Whatever.

 

There should not be silence… again.

 

Jensen looked shocked, though he had managed to shut his mouth; he hadn’t managed to open it again to form words. As the minutes wore on, Jared got so agitated he missed the dawning look of joy slowly suffusing Jensen’s face, and he really felt like he should say or do something to get Jensen to stop staring.

 

He tried to relax and force out a smile, “but, hey, look, it’s my problem you know? I’ll deal with it and you can pretend this never happened?”

 

Jared tried to take a step back, but he suddenly found that there was a hand twisted into his shirt holding him in place. His eyes followed the appendage up till he was looking into a very angry pair of green eyes.  

 

Jensen snarled, “Don’t walk away like you can pretend you didn’t just say that.”

 

Jared was perplexed. One, Jensen never got this angry. Two, anger wasn’t the emotion people normally deferred to when someone you were trying to let down easy gave you a way out. Jared tried to remove the hand from his shirt, but Jensen had a death grip.

 

He just sighed, letting his hand rest over Jensen’s fist, “I’m just trying to tell you that I don’t want whatever the fuck I’m feeling to ruin our friendship, or our working relationship.”

 

Jensen shook his head, “Not gonna happen dude. But, you can’t say shit like that and just take it back.”

 

Jared was not following and Jensen rolled his eyes, “did it ever cross your mind in your self-loathing haze that I might like you back?”

 

Now it was Jared’s turn to be shocked, “um? Not seriously.”

 

Jensen laughed and yanked Jared against him, pressing their lips together. At first it was chaste, just a little pressure as they met for the first time. Jared pulled back though, his one hand still resting over Jensen’s where he was death-gripping his shirt, as he brought up the other to slide along the back of Jensen’s neck.

 

Jared tried to hold himself still, “please be sure.”

 

Jensen smiled, one of those rare smiles that softens his face and melted Jared’s heart, “yeah, I’m sure.”

 

Jared leaned in for the kiss this time, opening himself up to Jensen. They explored each other’s mouths, lips slipping and pressing, tongues meeting and sliding against one another. It was slow and scorching and Jared wanted more. 

 

But his stomach chose that moment to growl in a reminder that it was hungry.

 

Jensen pulled away laughing, “hungry?”

 

Jared looked him in the eyes with all the heat and awareness he felt in his chest bubbling up the last few weeks, “you have no idea.”

 

Jensen flushed a bit more and smirked, “let’s take it slow, okay? This is important and we can’t fuck it up.”

 

Jared thought that was an understatement, but pretty accurate, “yeah, of course.”

 

Jensen grinned and turned towards the counter, “ok, let’s get you some frootloops.”

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Jared came back from his run energized beyond belief. Maybe the energy was actually happiness, he was just so happy these days. He watched the dogs make a beeline for their water bowls as he bounded up the stairs.

 

Jensen was still fast asleep in Jared’s bed when he walked into the room. For a second Jared just stood there at the foot of the bed, watching Jensen sleep. He just wanted to soak up the soft, un-guarded look on Jensen’s face, the way his hair was sticking up and the sheets wrapped around his body.

 

They still hadn’t told anyone they were dating. It had been weeks… weeks of really, really good sex and stolen moments and learning each other in a new way. They had decided to wait for the season to end and the summer break to begin to actually, well not announce it, but stop acting like they were just friends. Eventually the fans would find out, and won’t that be a complete cluster fuck Jared thought.

 

Jensen stirred, opening his eyes and looking up at Jared standing over the bed, “creepy much.”

 

Jared watched Jensen yawn and he just shrugged, “just trying to figure out how I managed to get such a beautiful man in my bed.”

 

“Fuck you, m’not beautiful… I’m manly and rugged.”

 

Jared caught the pillow thrown at his head when he burst out laughing at Jensen’s rugged comment. He tossed it back before heading into the bathroom to shower. He heard Jensen come in to brush his teeth instead of going into his own bathroom.

 

Jensen called, “you better not use all the hot water!”

 

Jared just stuck his head around the shower curtain, “or, you could come join me now and we could use up all the hot water together.”

 

Jensen stripped in record time and Jared pulled him into the shower, shoving him against the wall and kissing him as the spray ran over their bodies. Jared broke the kiss to chase water droplets down Jensen’s throat and across his chest. He swiped his tongue over one nipple and Jensen moaned and arched up into Jared’s mouth. Jared gasped as Jensen’s hand found its way down his body, stroking him.

 

They were going to be late to set.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Jared giggled in a very unmanly way that he would never admit later as he and Jensen leaned against the hotel door taking deep breaths.  They were trying to find security in the fact that two huge body guards were right outside said closed door.

 

“ _That_ was fucking _insane_.” Jensen looked like he was about to faint.

 

“Yeah,” Jared looked over at his boyfriend, his _boyfriend,_ “maybe we should have waited till after the show ended, or till after the conventions had ended… or maybe we just should have tried to keep it from the fans?”

 

Jensen rubbed his face with his hand, “yeah, that little piece of retrospect isn’t going to help us face thousands of vindicated fans who are so sure that the millions of words of fanfiction they wrote actually willed our gay love into existence.”

 

Jared snorted, “Did you just quote a fan?”

 

Jensen grinned, “Hey man, bat shit crazy or not, they have a way with words.”

 

Jared let his eyes slide away from Jensen as he went to sit on the bed, which had been made neat again by the hotel maid staff.

 

Jared looked back to where Jensen was still propped up against the door, “speaking of fanfiction, have you thought anymore about what I said?”

 

Jared tried to pretend he didn’t notice Jensen tense up, “dude, the show isn’t even finished yet… two more season, two! How am I supposed to stick to the script and my character when you want to, to, to do _that_ with them?!”

 

Jared held up his hands, “I’m not forcing here… I just thought it would be fun.”

 

He grinned at Jensen who couldn’t help but grin back, though with extreme exasperation, “Jared, you want to role play in the bedroom.”

 

“Hell yeah, we’re actors. Role playing is like the sex kink that was tailored to our profession,” Jared tried to put on his best duh face.

 

Jensen crossed his arms, “I didn’t say I wasn’t for a little naughty nurse and nice doctor or Batman and Robin, you know, normal role playing…”

 

Jared laughed across the rest of Jensen’s sentence, “Batman and Robin? That’s normal? You are gaying-up superheroes.”

 

Jensen flung his arms out, “how can you even judge normal?! You want to role play Sam and Dean in bed TOGETHER!”

 

Jensen pointed towards the door, “You’re becoming like _them_ … I’m fucking dating a fangirl!”

 

It was said like a serious accusation, but Jared just laughed, “Dude, our fans are awesome.”

 

Jensen got up to walk into the bathroom, calling out behind him, “if by awesome you mean totally insane, then yeah.”

 

It crossed Jared’s mind later that, while Jensen hadn’t said yes, he hadn’t said no either.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Jared sat beside Jensen on their couch, each of them glancing over the script in their hands.

 

“This season is going to be so badass!” Jared smiled.

 

Jensen looked more relived the more pages he flipped through, “yeah, and we’re not fighting anymore.”

 

Jared smiled looking down at his script, “you are way too into the brothers being together.”

 

Jensen scowled, “projecting much?”

 

He punched Jared in the arm, “I just think the show is better when Sam and Dean are together. You know? A team, a unit… as in, not fighting. You are such a perv.”

 

Jared shrugged, “Wincest Wins.”

 

Jensen whipped his head around, “Seriously? Seriously! Are you reading fanfiction?! Have you gone over to the dark side of the fandom?!”

 

Jared shrugged, “I mean, I visit occasionally. You know, just stick my head in the door to see what’s going on.”

 

Jensen throws his script down into the coffee table in disgust, “I don’t think I can date someone who reads fanfiction.”

 

“Dude, don’t judge me,” Jared picks up Jensen’s abandoned script and hands it back to him, “come on, let’s read lines for a bit. We have to be ready for our first day back tomorrow, and the more we practice tonight the less we have to run again in the car in the morning.”

 

Jensen sighs, “Fine.”

 

Jared cleared his throat, “Dean… Ruby, she lied. She lied and I fell right into it…”

 

Jensen took a breath as Jared read his line. By the time Jared looked up he was on the receiving end of one of Dean’s leveling gazes. It was the one that said ‘shut up Sam, because I’m older and I said so’.

 

Sam tried to explain himself over his brother, but Dean’s voice was stern, “I told you we don’t have to talk about it…”

 

Sam’s voice sounded strained and tired, “but I want to talk about it. I need to talk about it.”

 

Dean forced a grin, “Dude that is just such a chick thing to say.”

 

Sam shook his head, “insulting me won’t work this time Dean. I broke every rule, I ignored every unspoken code we had,” Sam felt his throat close up, “I turned my back on you…”

 

Dean had that look on his face, the deer in the headlights look he got when he had to say something that had to do with his feelings, “I… I pushed you away Sam. I didn’t try to understand… I didn’t _want_ to understand.”

 

Dean clenched his fists, his teeth grinding, “I acted just like Dad and I told you not to come back.”

 

Sam just stared at his brother for a second; this was so like Dean, to turn it all in on himself, “But, you were right…”

 

“Doesn’t matter who was right Sammy… we were both wrong,” Dean shrugged.

 

Sam looked down, unable to meet Dean’s eyes, “It was for you, however screwed up that is, I did it for you.”

 

Dean sighed, griping Sam’s shirt and shaking him a little, damn if he didn’t look just as tired as Sam felt, “I know Sammy, I know.”

 

Sam looked up into the familiar green eyes, always so troubled. Before he could even think about it he was leaning in, brushing his lips over Dean’s.

 

Dean jerked back.

 

“No,” Jared slapped a hand over Jensen’s mouth before he could say anything.

 

Jared tried to plead with his eyes, nodding in encouragement, “don’t say anything. Just go with it… like improve.”

 

Jared had to give Jensen credit because he just rolled his eyes and then Jared was looking across the couch at Dean. Who was looking rather pissed at having Sam’s hand over his mouth.

 

Jared took half a second to shout internally in monumental achievement before he put on Sam’s needy face. The look that Sam knew Dean could never say no to.

 

Jensen moves Jared’s hand off his mouth, looking at him with that needy look that Dean manages to twist to his advantage too.

 

Dean leans in, ghosting his lips over Jared’s, fisting his shirt, “Sammy…” he breathes.

 

Jared sighs and sinks into Sam’s over whelming thoughts and feeling, “Dean…”

 

Their lips meet again, hungry and searching… wanting.

 

Sam moves forwards, Dean spreading out beneath him, actually letting Sam take the lead. Sam thought maybe it was an apology. Sam could accept it, but he also needed to make sure that Dean accepted his too.

 

He settled on top of his big brother, chest to chest, still clothed, and still kissing. Dean licked into Sam’s mouth, little teasing flicks that drove Sam crazy and coaxed his tongue to chase Dean’s back into his mouth. Sam broke the kiss to move his lips down Dean’s neck, searching out sweet spots and sucking on the salty skin. He smiled as Dean turned his head to the side and back, giving Sam more access. 

 

Sam chuckled and bit down on the sharp collarbone in front of him and he heard Dean moan and hiss, his hand coming up to grip Sam’s shoulders tightly.

 

Dean growled, “come’ on Sam, clothes off, now.”

 

Sam stood up, willing to follow Dean’s orders… at least when his orders were what Sam wanted to do anyway. He watched as Dean shed his shirt and slid out of his jeans and boxers in one move. Seeing Dean spread out beneath him, naked and ready on the couch, Sam almost forgot to take his own clothes off. But, then he remembered and practically ripped his shirt and jeans off.

 

He sank back down, moving his body over Dean’s, kissing a hot, wet trail over defined pecks and hard abs. He swirled his tongue into Dean’s navel and Sam felt his brother arch underneath him.

 

“Jesus, Sam, stop teasing.”

 

Sam smirked, “stop begging.”

 

Before Dean could retaliate, Sam opened his mouth and took Dean down his throat, running the tip of his tongue along the underside of the cock in his mouth. Sam worked Dean until he was panting and thrusting up into Sam’s mouth, not even trying anymore to hold his hips still. When he pulled away Dean growled. 

 

Sam moved back up to kiss Dean again and then he moved Dean’s fingers to his mouth, sucking in two and repeating what he had just done to Dean’s dick. Sam felt the breathy moan Dean gave go straight to his own painfully hard erection. He flicked his tongue over the pads of Dean’s fingers.

 

Sam shifted so that they were side by side, they both groaned as their cocks slid together. God, he needed Dean to fuck him now.

 

He panted into Dean’s mouth, not quite kissing him, “please Dean, please.”

 

Dean’s chest was rising and falling with his quick breathing. He rolled so that he was on top of Sam, a sure and strong weight between Sam’s spread thighs. Sam groaned as Dean pushed one finger into him, gentle without treating Sam like glass. Dean had always taken care of him, had always been there for him, even when they weren’t getting along Dean thought of Sam first.

 

Sam shifted as Dean added another finger and he couldn’t help but thrust his hips up and down as the stretched feeling turned into an aching desire to feel Dean inside him. Then Dean crooked his fingers and fire burned up Sam’s spine sending shocking pleasure bursting into his abdomen and up into his chest.

 

He dug his fingers into Dean’s shoulders, “now.”

 

Dean looked into Sam’s eyes and Sam could clearly see, for the first time in a long time, not just how much Dean loved him as his big brother, but how that love transcended into a want and need that could never be defined, understood, or controlled.

 

Sam ran his fingers through Dean’s messy hair and took deep breaths as Dean lined up and pushed into him. Dean didn’t give Sam much time to adjust as he started thrusting in and out, but Sam was sure he tried. Sam wrapped his legs around Dean’s hips and started lifting his hips to meet his thrusts.

 

They got a rhythm going and the room filled with panting and moaning and sweaty skin sliding together until Sam was so close and he knew Dean was almost there too. Sam reached between them and started stroking himself, he could feel Dean’s stomach muscles clenching where they brushed his knuckles. 

 

Sam came with a soft sob, calling out, “Dean…”

 

He felt his brother tense above him and he thrust deep into Sam once more and cried out, “Sammy!”

 

Dean collapsed on top of Sam, a welcome weight as Sam stroked his fingers up and down the curve of Dean’s spine.

 

Jared smiled as Jensen lifted his eyes to look at him; he whispered “admit it… that was hot as hell.”

 

Jensen smiled leaning down to kiss Jared long and slow, when he pulled away he said, “I admit nothing. I am in denial.”

 

Jared just grinned, “Whatever makes you feel better.”


End file.
